


it’s a long life, better pinch yourself

by tnevmucric



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Game(s), definitely ooc but do i care, thinks abt potential goro confidant route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 05:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20109637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tnevmucric/pseuds/tnevmucric
Summary: "everyone's looking for you.""i know.” he buries his face in his scarf, content to stay. “sit with me?"





	it’s a long life, better pinch yourself

The breeze, the muddy water and the sound of a couple laughing in their boat close to the bank. It’s easy to become distracted and lose focus on losing focus at all _completely_. And yet it feels comforting to be swayed, just like the boat on the water, from one thought to the next—one fleeting feeling to another. Akira hears footsteps even after Goro stops to stare. It all feels inevitable, over and over and over again.

"Everyone's looking for you."

"I know.” He buries his face in his scarf, content to stay. “Sit with me?"

Goro does, brushing imaginary lint from his pant legs and crossing one over the other. For a while, they don’t talk. And that’s fine. It _feels_ fine—it almost feels right. _Like wading into the waters_, Akira could tell him. _Like letting myself become slowly drowned and encumbered by lake water._

“I had the chance to speak to Okumura-san alone”, Goro says eventually, crossing his arms in an uncharacteristic show of fidgeting. “I think, despite where we both stand, we were able to feel a mutual connection.”

“Because of your fathers’?”

“Yes.” His lips twist, purse, and he pauses. “She surprised me. She said, though it might be horrible of her to admit, that were she in different company facing Shido, she doesn't think she would have stopped at a simple change of heart—no, she _know_ she wouldn't have.”

Akira can’t help but glance over, strangely and willingly _seen_ in this lethargic moment; he tries to ignore the feeling of borrowed time, of an end. “Me too”, he admits. “Without hesitation. Sometimes the truth has to be horrible.”

“It would not be the truth otherwise.”

“No.” He tries to imagine a season where they could sit like this again, be this close again. “It wouldn’t.”

The couple in the boat push further towards the lake centre and Akira is pleasantly reminded of times spent here with friends: when the sun was out, when days overextended and overexerted themselves—collapsed on his doorstep, begging to be filled.

He catches himself before he tries to plan another day ahead, another week or another season.

“I don't understand the anger all of you have for him”, Goro continues. “Of course I _understand_ it, what he did to you and his actions in general... I share it, but a majority of that anger should be directed towards me. You should loathe me, but instead sympathise with me. Save Sakamoto, though we spoke briefly about his past. It was enlightening to his character.”

“I think we're all too tired to worry about who we do or don't forgive”, Akira says. “One way or the other, we’ve all been pawns in someone else’s game. It's nice to just... not feel. For a while, at least. We can worry about logistics later.”

“Is that why you're here?”

As if on queue, they look out to the lake. Akira smiles embarrassedly.

“I'm tired”, he admits. Goro smiles, a little sad, but it’s genuine.

“Me too”, he confesses.

Being so close together after what was only a short time apart, Akira can’t understand the itch in his throat; that which threatens to trample his windpipe and spill over his tongue also invigorates. Shoulder to shoulder, almost nonchalant, with both of their arms crossed, he could reach out and touch Goro’s fingers with his own—just the barest brush to let him know. Let _him_ know.

“You didn't want our help in the beginning.” _You didn't want my help._

“Maybe not”, Goro agrees. “And that's what you'll have to accept: that I didn't want anyone's help. That nothing could have changed my mind, or my heart, except myself.”

Akira blinks, momentarily caught off guard.

“I didn’t-”

It’s almost like being thrown back into the moment of the engine room with the way Goro looks at him. Painful, tender, like he’s on permanent tiptoes and walking downstairs with his eyes closed. “To be honest, you have quite the saviour complex. And I'd prefer to save you from as much pain as possible, if at all. I care.”

The laugh that leaves him doesn’t feel right, born of _you caught me _rather than joy. It feels painfully tight in his body and he clenches his teeth where they feel loose from the force of it. “I suppose being free of distress has its own value.”

“It does”, Goro promises, “and you can feel that now. There's nothing left for you to do.”

_Take me out tonight._ Akira wipes his cold nose against his sleeve. _Gun or café. Guillotine or diner._

“A part of me would do it again.”

His shoulders slacken, very barely. “We all would. That I'm sure of.”

“I’m not sure what to do now.”

“Take every day as it is, better or worse”, Goro advises. The couple on the lake are laughing. “Rehabilitate, for yourself this time. There's no impending doom anymore.”

“I was ready to mourn you”, Akira frowns to himself. “Remember you even when you I didn't want to remember you and move on when all I'd want to do is think about you. I had it all planned out.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“... I was afraid I'd be doing the same.”

It’s his own kind of confession, furtive and bare. He doesn't say the words but he doesn't need to—he's not _afraid_ to, either, but it's just fact. He doesn't look at Akira as he says it but he doesn't need to. His profile is softened when Akira does look, though, and less burdened. Beneath his coat, his green sweater makes his hair seem redder.

“Aren't we a pair?”

Goro laughs, soft and easy. “To think, there could be a world where I didn't choose to stay by your side.”

“A scary thought.”

“And right now isn't scarier?” At another time, in another time, those words could have been challenging and bitter: looking to pick a fight and tear down the shaky groundwork already beneath their feet... but Goro says it with a teasing smile, a glint in his eye and a blush on his cheeks that Akira refuses to overlook as cold weather. Their fingers bump, and Akira isn't sure who initiates it, but they start to lean against each other; Goro's cheek pressed against his shoulder and arms uncrossed. _Relaxed_.

“I've always liked this park”, he comments. “I used to cycle by in the mornings but I'd never stop. It's like now I finally have the chance.” He glances up, and Akira can feel the sharpness of his jaw. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Show you how much I care.”

Their hands bump together, caught in the act of sharing an idea, and sheepish warmth blooms between them. Goro’s hands clasp around his own—they’re soft, too, and Akira stays quietly pleased at the lack of gloves.

It’s hardly a kiss, just the barest brush of their lips, but Goro smiles in a way that makes Akira shiver. Flushed and eyes half-lidded, one of his hands has come up to touch Akira’s cheek, tentative, and Akira can feel a faint scar on one of his knuckles.

“Let's stay here for a while, okay?”

They have time.


End file.
